Profile:English Bloke

[Ed. Note:Please read all of the italics in my terrible impression of a thick, English accent]

Wutsdatiimdaremate?

Sorry?

Wutsdatiimdaremate?

Oh, uh, eight twenty.

Ah, you're American then?

No, Canada actually.

Whereabouts in Canada are ya from?

Toronto.

Terronno. I've heard of that. 

What about you? Where are you from?

Moved up here from the Black Country. - Layla, chill!- Know why they call it that? It's not like there's a lot of black people down there, no. <laughs> See there was lots of industry and all the smoke turned everything black.

Right. What brought you here then?

Had to move for work. Lost my job down there. Went on the dole. - Quit it, Layla- My landlord kicked me out - I was up to date and everything! Took my furniture...

...that sucks... Um, so what kinda work do you do?

I'm in building production; work for myself. Well, I'm starting off anyway. 37 years old! Starting a bit late! Got my plumbing certificate last year. -Chill Layla!- Went to a plastering course this week - went to a plastering course Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday I woke up at 4 in the afternoon so I gotta start another new course. -Layla!- So how long you been here?

I've only just arrived - about three weeks.

So you must not know anybody yet! That's alright, mate, you'll meet people here; they're pretty friendly. Well some of them are assholes.

Ha! That's everywhere.

I should give you my number - we could go down a pint sometime. You must not know anybody yet.

It's a bit tough to settle in when you're hotel living.

Yeah, we should go get a drink sometime. But I don't have my phone so we can't exchange numbers.

<exhales>

I'm usually here walking my dog so I'm sure you can find me.

Gotcha. That sounds good. Anyhow, I've gotta go find some dinner.

Dinner?

<inhales sharply>

Well there's Dickies - that's like KFC y'know? - that's nice. Chicken there is nice. Pizza there is nice. Chips there is nice. Everything there is nice.

Dixies? Great, I'll keep that in mind.

Or there's... well there's... don't go to the other chippy place. No, every time I eat there - the next morning <points at stomach> got a bug, y'know, mate? No, don't go to the other chippy place. Dickies is nice. Chicken is nice there. Chips is nice there.

Thanks! I'll be sure to skip it. Catch ya later.

See you around. If you ever want to go for a drink...

Ok, take care!

...

...

Hey! Mate!

<turns hesitantly>

One more thing, just have to ask.. How's it like having Justin Bieber as a countryman? <laughs><laughs> If there's one lad I'd like to punch in the mouth..