Tweet:Dorky Gorky!

And they said Russia wasn't gay-friendly.. Welcome to Gorky Park!

Tweet: Pocket Full of Posey

Likely part of the fleet that invaded the then-Ukrainian, now-Russian port of Kerch

This is what they had to parallel park in

Tweet: Queen & Adam Lambersht

Live in '86 - and again in '14

Easy come, easy go

Tweet: Spirograph

Dizzy yet?

Try climbing it!

Underwater Kama Sutra

How's your Cyrillic?

Hostel Hunting: Russia and Ukraine Concluded

Odessa
My train out of the fiery region of Crimea arrived in Odessa even earlier than the planned 5:30am. This time I knew right where my hostel was and was sure it was nearby the train station. in minutes I had found the sign and having learned my lesson immediately went to the dingiest entrance I could see around back but couldn't find it. Around to the front again I tried pulling the knob but the door wouldn't budge then realised I was the knob and pushed it easily. There were five doors on three landings and not a single one was marked. No buzzer could be found. The hostel WiFi was strong but password protected. Being pre 6am I didn't want to knock on the seemingly private residence doors so I silently willed someone to feel my presence and come let me in. After fifteen minutes of silence besides me pacing noisily up and down the stairs peeking in keyholes and peepholes and any other holes I could see I came up with a new game plan. On the street I asked a man to call the number on the sign for me but he either didn't understand or didn't want to or was so drunk from being out at the all night girlie club next door that he didn't call. He did tell me he was an army man and asked me to join him for a drink but he was a creep so I turned him down. He followed me across the street so I walked off to the only other address I knew, nearly two kilometres away with my massive bag. There the archway was exactly like the picture with the arrow but beyond that there was no indication of where to go in the courtyard with ten or more entrances. Climbing a number of random staircases nothing looked good and the stray cats were evil eyeing me for being in their turf. The sun was rising and one man exited but coldly brushed me of altogether when i approached him directly. It had been nearly half an hour here now and almost two since leaving the train and I was exhausted. A young boy appeared with his dog and told me in decent English there was no hostel there. I didn't know what to do and didn't want to walk another 4km back so I sat. The boy returned after his pup had done it's business and he approached me to offer advice. On my map he pointed out another and I thanked him and walked a reasonable distance there. Kid knew his stuff - there were two hostels there. When I checked in and had an 8-person room to myself for two consecutive nights understood why some might have closed (at least got the season.)

Conclusion
Having related these tales to some travelers I've heard that many hostels in Russia and Ukraine are illegal since they do not want to pay taxes. This might explain the obscurity and lack of signage and all the pain I endured.

Hostel Hunting: Rest of Russia

Sochi

Super Stefan Spies subjects know what happened in Sochi with the broom-wielding Russky behind the unwelcome mat. Stefan Spies slackers can get up to date here.

Krasnodar

Off the train I had only a vague idea of how to get to my hostel for in the excitement of winning Olympic hockey gold I'd forgotten to sort it out properly. Anyhow my half bus instructions seemed to bring me near where I wanted to be but I couldn't find the actual address. I asked a passerby who indicated the entire massive building complex with thirty storefronts beside us then carried on. On the corner were vagrants and throwing caution to the wind I asked the group. One lady pointed down a sketchy back alley and I followed her finger. If the alley was sketchy the back courtyard wasn't even an outline. Still not sure where to go I figured a sign above the well graffiti tagged darkened entrance to a hallway might say 'hostel'. 

I took it then dared myself to go up the unlit stairwell covered in paint. Two floors up the same letters adorned a door and I tried it. Inside was a large open floor covered in dust and scattered furniture. Two people who may have been painting or autopsying bodies pointed me around back. Proceeding with caution I saw a room that seemed promising and I went right in. The guy in this "Art" gallery didn't speak English but lead me one more hallway and turned me over to the hostel.

Hostel Hunting: Moscow Pizza

Fresh, or more appropriately wilted, off a plane from Toronto I had successfully navigated the Moscow subway with my newly acquired Cyrillic skills and just had to find my hostel. Yet when I reached what I thought was the address it was just a plain, tall apartment building. Furrowing my brow I continued down the street to what looked like a pizza restaurant sign. Inside did not look like a pizza restaurant nor did it look like a hostel. The security guard regarded me as if I'd told him a marinara sauce recipe in Italian when I inquired 'hostel?' so I retreated. Reconsulting my address I peered around before returning to the original place. There was no buzzer so I tried the door and sure enough it opened to a small dark foyer. Inside a glass booth not unlike an old fashioned cinema vendor sat a curmudgeonly old lady but she did react when I repeated my query. Hesitantly I handed over my passport when prompted and nearly five minutes later a young lady appeared at the locked inner door to bring me to the third floor hostel.

Guardian: Sergey, Krasnodar

Ardent Stefan Spies may recall the chance encounter in a Russian treasure trove that began this guardianship. On a whim Sergey reached out to me in English and I was more than happy to pass some time with an open-minded young Russian in Moscow. Upon arrival in his home town a couple weeks later post Olympics he graciously showed me the inside track of his city, Krasnodar, from which I never would have extracted nearly as much. For example he told me of the road/fool quote and brought me by an amazing abandoned water park, as well as a large collection of soviet armoured vehicles to scramble over. It's priceless and immensely more rewarding to have a local to suggest a honey ginger tea or explain a bronze statue of a handsome canine couple dressed for a night out.

Sergey, a sincere thank you.

Tweet: Chill with the Willies

Eastern Europe please cease the terrible RHCP covers - just leave Dani on the other side under the bridge in California.

Tweet:More like Boss-co

"My, my! You are looking quite fine, Pavel Bure" gushes Pavel Bure to Pavel Bure.

Profile: Russia

Meet Russia
- Largest country in the world, get a map and look top right
- Dissolution of Soviet Union and isolation that came with Iron Curtain occurred in 1991

Visited: Moscow, Sochi/Adler, Krasnodar
Sidewalk Safety: Fine until you step onto a street..cars, cracks, potholes
Stray Dog Rating (out of 5): Two mutts in Sochi and a small brown bird

Ranting Impressions:
Perhaps not polished but fully functional and sound, in a way that is decidedly different than in the West. The older generation, having lived behind the Iron Curtain see little need for English or the outside world. That said, capitalism has taken firm hold and can be seen everywhere. Decidedly expensive, on par with Toronto or worse, at least in the cities visited. Some young people, my generation and younger, are now attempting to learn English and are friendly. Personal space isn't really considered and queues are mostly surging masses. People are sometimes late but otherwise infrastructure is rather efficient.
Dishes are meaty and oily but some pastries are worthwhile, including cabbage stuffed breads.
The projection of the cities seems important, for example decrepit or under-construction buildings are usually covered with a building sized sheet depicting what it should or will look like. Roadways are congested but there is some semblance of order. Sidewalks are smooth and safe for the most part, unlike some other potholed Eastern European countries.
Obviously a vast country (with nearly 20 cities over a mill. population) I barely scratched the surface though I found it interesting that Krasnodar, for being a smaller city, still showed obvious signs of wealth. May be interesting to get out into a village, up into Siberia or check into the apparently beautiful St. Petersburg although Western European travelers say it doesn't look all that different from home (so perhaps not worth the visa rigmarole)

Tweet:Mime

Anyone want to play charades? I've been practising!

Tweet: Solve the Latter

"There are only two problems in Russia: roads and fools."

A Foreign Vegetarian in the CCCP

Can any dietitians among you please review my food log?

Breakfast
2 sweet pastries, often fig or jam filled
0.5l strawberry-apple juice

Morning Snack
Orange
5 cookies

Lunch
0.5l water
1/2 loaf bread and Soft cheese akin to La Vache Qui Rire (occasional)
Or
3 sweet cheese filled crepes served with fresh cream

Afternoon Snack
0.5l water
Jumbo chocolate bar

Dinner
8 cabbage stuffed perogies
2 buns
1 large bowl borscht (beat soup)

Evening
1l beer (occasional)
Or
6 cookies
Or
1.5l beer (occasional)

Do you see any deficiencies? My worry is that I'm not getting enough carbohydrates..

Tweet:Support

Should have changed that ringtone! Multiple times a day I get shivers from the Nokia default conjuring memories of 3am support calls #shudder

Tweet:Cosmopolitan

The front of Cosmo on the magazine rack clearly says 'Cosmo' in English characters, then a whole bunch of Cyrillic words and then boldly 'SEX'